Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
