i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
