My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
