if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
