Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
In the future we'll all be gay
North Korea, Best Korea!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
