Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
