So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
