So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
