Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
