My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Houston, we have a blender
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
