I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
