i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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