Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
