Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
