I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
