Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I came so hard my ears popped.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
