Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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