Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
