During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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