did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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