You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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