forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
