i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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