The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
