It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
