Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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