I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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