It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
