Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I smell like Dick and happiness
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