I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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