There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
