Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
