areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
