I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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