I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
