Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
