I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Randomize
