ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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