He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Randomize
