In the future we'll all be gay
I just pynch a tree in the face
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
