She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
