There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
