had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
