So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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