it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
