They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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