I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
