It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My life is pants optional.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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