yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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