My liver just broke up with me...
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My dick has a subreddit
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
