nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
