So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
