She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
