you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
