question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Threesome in a minivan. New low
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
